spirit flows thru -- Alison Rittger's spiritual reflections on finding the holy in the daily - blog
spirit flows thru -- Alison Rittger's spiritual reflections on finding the holy in the daily
 
PictureThis Scion IQ can't carry much. So no retail therapy for us.
Recently, my one and only has been singing the relocation blues. If it weren’t for the Warriors winning 73 games, passing the record set by the Chicago Bulls, and playing well despite Steph’s injuries, my one and only would have one less diversion to count on. She’s backing a winning team, so why this sadness? It’s not where we’re located. My one and only loves Los Osos /Baywood Park; she loves being in nature and taking me for walks. We travel the red marked habit trail from east to west and back. We see mountains, the ocean at the estuary. We hear birds and commune with trees, each in our way. She even likes the sound and feel of wind. We are getting used to the down side of rural living – that no stores are within walking distance. Buses are limited and, of course, no BART. But we don’t have traffic congestion like we had in the Bay area. And we don’t have the noise. It’s been no comfort for my one and only to be reminded that moving rattles everyone who does it. Our last year and a half has included many moves, but this one is definitely the most radical. And not just because we aren’t city dwellers any longer.  

My one and only takes comfort in having made good on her wish to create meditation groups so she could sit with others. That happens three evenings a week. One evening, she sits in the six o’clock semidarkness of the UU Fellowship’s sanctuary in SLO. We pronounce it “slow” instead of saying San Luis Obispo every time. And we say UU so we don’t have to say Unitarian Universalist.

What could increase her sense of wellbeing? I suppose she might try shopping. That works for a lot of people and it makes sense; after all, we moved from a studio to a three-bedroom house. Our blue mailbox across the street fills up with coupons from local stores welcoming us to Central Coast and promising deep discounts. But so far my one and only has stopped by at the fitness center to redeem her coupon for one free smoothie. A drawback to hitting Costco, Home Depot or Target to redeem other coupons is her small car. We just can’t race out, coupons in hand and fill up the back seat with furniture and gadgets. The back seat is so cramped it can’t comfortably carry two regular people who don’t fold up. We have accommodated meditation practitioners in lotus position. Without passengers, we mostly keep the seatbacks flat to comfortably carry two bags of groceries. When we did go to Couch Potato to buy a dining room table and four chairs, we had to rely on my one and only’s son and his promise to pick up the furniture once it made it from the warehouse to Morro Bay. This youngest son lives not far, owns a truck and a minivan, but his fetches and carries are limited by his full life.

From my point of view, we need to readjust our expectations. Maybe get rid of them. My one and only moved here in part because she wanted to be near her son and granddaughter in case the eight-year-old needed an ally as she adjusted to the possibility that her father might remarry. She told herself she was that person. She could move into the neighborhood and make herself available and important. Didn’t happen that way. Even before the movers arrived at the start of March, relationships in Los Osos had been working out, so by the time she arrived, frazzled but intent, adjustment had taken place; the woman her son will marry had moved into the house with her son and granddaughter, and everyone seemed satisfied. They were repainting, redecorating and readjusting.

Foolishly, my one and only took it hard and personally when her son asked her to return the duplicate key he had long ago made for her. As a result, I see her sitting with her eyes closed many times a day these last several weeks. Not just the three nights, she set up for meditation practice with others. I trust that in all those sits she practices sympathetic joy for her son’s happiness, more of the same for her granddaughter’s growing love for the woman who will marry her daddy as well as some SJ for the woman who will soon be part of our family. Hopefully, before the wedding, my one and only will stop it with those relocation and readjustment blues, which I have been told sound a lot like all the blues she’s ever sung. “Waaaaaaah: What about me?” Meanwhile the wind blows, the fog rolls in and birds sing.

 
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My one and only pops dharma talks the way some people pop sleeping pills. Those Buddhist teachings are meant to awaken meditators, not put them to sleep. But my one and only is not sitting lotus-like on a cushion. She is in bed. Possibly she meditates; after all, she is aging and will someday do her final meditations lying down. But now, she is restless an hour or two too early for us to get coffee, or do anything, unless we want to do it in the dark. When I see a faint light and hear a voice other than my one and only’s in the bedroom, I know she has tuned her iPad to a dharma talk and wants it to put her to sleep.

At three in the morning, who teaches doesn’t matter. It’s a special voice she’s after. Not too soporific nor too soprano. If a giggly monk cracks dharma jokes, that’s no good either. There’s a Spirit Rock speaker she likes in person, but emanating from the iPad, his voice is a monotone, and she can’t sleep. One teacher from a Redwood City sangha is really smart, but he often clears his throat, and she finds this won’t do. As a rule, she never chooses foreign voices, although once she did fall asleep to a French woman’s heavily accented, giggly voice. But that happened only once. The topic must have done the trick.

When I am restless or upset at an unreasonable hour, I too like a soothing voice. Kind tones calm me unless I am really riled up, then wrap me in my comfort coat and tighten those Velcro straps. Maybe dharma talks issuing from just the right voice are my one and only's electronic comfort coat. The dharma of the Buddha thus spoken could assure her she is on the path awake or asleep. The soothing voice is school at its best at three in the morning when the path is not obvious. About five in the morning, we will awake for coffee and a walk; and once settled back at the house, she will sit for awake meditation. Kudos to my one and only. From the first three singing bowls through the last, she stays focused and aware of whatever arises even as I wrestle an orange and blue lion plus kong with a squeak for a roar. In the picture you see me toy in mouth during meditation.
 



 
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Up the hill just past Paso Robles Street we can see Quan Yin.
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About six doors down, this truck lives in the driveway.
​While living in the Bay Area, we thought a lot about diversity. Not just the different sorts of dogs that went up and down the elevator in The Grand where we stayed on the 14th floor. All manner of people lived and worked in this apartment building of 23 floors. Now we are in Los Osos, where people are predominantly white. But when we walk on 14th Street, we are still aware of diversity. For example, I see that many houses on the block sort of look like ours, but not as cared for. Others may have once looked like ours, but owners have gone to a lot of trouble to glitz up the yard. These houses please my one and only, especially if she sees a plaster Quan Yin. Buddhist statuary in the yard reminds her to send Metta to all beings, whether or not they study the dharma or put money and effort into their property or if they have multiple RVs parked in their driveways, or even if they don't have a driveway, having graveled the entire front of the lot.

I, on the other hand, like the undergrowth, or weeds as they are called. I like that the street and the neighbor hood is dotted with empty lots where tall wild flowers whip around when the wind blows hard. Why I like dirt and untended plant life is obvious. As for our weeds, the previous owner of this house did what he could to give this house curb appeal, so weeds have not sprouted to excess and do not detract from our clean lines. Of course, we haven’t been here long enough to take blame or credit for anything. It is my opinion that my one and only's son will do his best to make this house a very good house for us. Clearly, many different needs are being met up and down our street.

While my one and only was excited to capture the image of Quan Yin in the yard on our morning walk, I urged her to snap the cheese truck. Cheese is one of my favorites, so I am watching for this truck to leave the driveway and head in our direction. It is only about four doors down the hill from us, and if I am alert, we can signal it before it gets out of sight. So far it has not moved. I am sending Metta to the cheese people.
 
PictureFoxiebeau is intimate with his toy.
I’m curled up on the couch. We’ve been out for our morning coffee at Los Osos Starbucks and it’s still early. My one and only is sniffling. It sounds like she is crying. I don’t know if she is happy or sad or both or something entirely else. She is sorting through notes from lectures taken over long periods of time; they’re strewn across the wide counter that separates and joins the kitchen and the dining room. We don’t have a table yet, so this counter is it. I sense there is a connection between the sounds she makes and the writing on those papers.

Suddenly she proclaims, “Enlightenment is intimacy with all things.” “Dogen Zenji” she finishes, maybe so I will know she is saying someone else’s words. I don’t know Dogen Zenji. His name starts with a sound I recognize as what she calls me when she explains to strangers why I may not like them. “Foxie is a “rescue dog.” Dog. En. Zen. Ji. No disrespect intended. You could say that as a dog, I am enlightened. I practice intimacy with all things. Sniffing is intimacy, isn’t it? Liking one person and not another shows me being true to my nature. That is the nature of this dog; perhaps not all dogs. I have heard some people say about their dogs, “She likes everybody. She will jump on you. Down, Clownie; off, Thistle. A big difference between enlightened animals and unenlightened other species is how easy it is to explain our behavior. 

I digress. My one and only stumbled across these study notes from past Buddhist classes as part of her pawing through papers not yet assigned to a file folder or crumpled for recycling. To my way of thinking, this ongoing style of creating order is highly disorderly. She’ll head in one direction, double back, take time-out to play Letterpress or watch a basketball game because it’s March Madness. When once again she looks at the material, she becomes engrossed in its wisdom. It is this, I believe, that produces the sound I heard earlier. A sigh of recognition for the truth, for the remembered experience of receiving the handout or scribbling the words of wisdom during a workshop or class at the Zen Center, at Spirit Rock, or at the East Bay Meditation Center. Could be tears for not having the teachers close at hand as she recalls their energy, the tone of their voices, the way one of them peppered her dharma talks with profanity.

As for profanity, my one and only is using less recognizable profanity since our relocation to Los Osos. It’s because her granddaughter has issued a list of words for which substitutes must be employed. Fargo is at the top of our list these days when the eight-year-old is within earshot. Crab, Shiitake—these other words sub for the standards. With no minors within earshot, my one and only may revert.

As for this morning, we are following Dogen Zenji and practicing empathic attunement to our own experiencing. This means that we listen without judging, and we meditate so as to bring an open, noncritical, intimate listening, seeing, and feeling back to our life again and again. I am not really doing any of the above. I am lying in the sun part time, drinking water, playing with toys, and practicing low growling when I hear people in the neighborhood. Thus am I true to my nature.

 
PictureChewbakka in the grip of Foxiebeau!
This guy I'm chewing on is Chewbakka. I chose him at the pet store. Once I got my teeth into him, he couldn't be pried loose. Growling at the young saleslady and at my one and only as well, I stood my ground. You can't take me into a dog store and expect me to come away with nothing fun. I may need useful junk like a harness, leash and a raincoat, but I am not attracted to the displays. I would have liked a Warrior's sweater or hat but the NBA must not have licensed the store we went to to sell Dub stuff. Sad, really! I left the store with Chewbakka gripped tightly by its fur. I think we are enough the same color that people on the street thought one of us had two heads. Whatever... they smiled at us.

I was left alone briefly the other day while my one and only went downstairs to pay her last rent. She was smiling when she came back. She told me the ladies who take the money said they would miss her and me. I was surprised to hear that in the past year we have lived here no one complained about my growling and snarling, about how I try to lunge at other animals, sometimes so hard I slip right out of my faux fur coat. With me gone, this place will be safer for the other animals. I am sorry about that.  My one and only said she was bragging about me, exaggerating my specialness. She told the ladies who work here that I take selfies for my blog. Obviously I can't do that. Maybe brag is a synonym for telling a lie.

Sometimes after a refreshing nap, I think about the book my one and only says she wants me to write. One day when I woke up with this thought, we went for a walk around the block and stopped in at Creative Growth. This studio is for artists with disabilities who sculpt, weave, draw, construct, paint and make flower pots. My one and only calls it heartwork and asked the working lady if it would be okay to find pictures for my book. Was there a policy on using the pictures? We did not get an answer that day, so we need to hurry back and follow up. Even if the lady says we can use the heartwork, my one and only hasn't decided who would read the ramblings of a rescued chihuahua-terrier? She think having the answer to that question could help us choose what to show.  I wonder if my one and only isn't finding another excuse for avoiding the joy of taking dictation from me!  If I could avoid her entirely, believe me I would! As for pictures, my suggestion is to really show my perspective and feature photos of various grasses and plants I see as we walk around. Tree bottoms too.  Now that is honesty. What do you think?



Vow Now? How?

1/20/2016

 
PictureFoxiebeau considers a vow
Do dogs resolve to improve? Because I don’t get along with other animals except Cooper and birds, I can’t ask other animals if I should vow to be better or other than I am. I know every chance they get and especially when there’s a beginning, two-leggeds promise themselves and others to improve. Here we are weeks into the new year and I am still mulling over the ifs and hows of vows.

What is a vow anyway? I know it’s a small word and small words can have big meanings. A word like “sit” for example. I notice that when I am told to do it and then do it, happy results ensue. Pats on the head, treats, pride and approval from my one and only, especially if I sit when and where others can see me. My one and only beams and I sense an increase in her self-regard. Almost as if she, herself, had done something noteworthy like plop down on cold tiles when told.

“Yes” is another small word with big impact. As is “no.” People with more no in them may want to sprinkle more yes in their daily interactions. Yes folks could be overextending themselves and need to dig in their heels with a “no” or “not now.” I am not really responsive to either word, so I can’t do more here than repeat what I imagine my one and only would say had I asked her for an opinion.

It has come to my attention that another word for vow is promise. Said like that, I know I am not one to promise anything. My basic animal nature prevents much frontal lobe activity. And that’s the spot from which promises get made. Animals are more about the limbic system, wouldn’t you say? Animal equals amygdala.
I believe those who train performing cats and dancing dogs use food to get desired results. Food would work for me, but my one and only hasn’t the patience to teach me. I have seen TV ads with highly trained dogs turning over because, and only because, their trainer gave them enough treats. And I wager months of dieting had to pass before those dogs looked fit enough to be filmed for the commercial.

I have biblical permission to skip vowing altogether. Better not to make a vow than to make it and break it. (Ecclesiastes 5:5) How clever of me to become better in this new year by not vowing! Wow.
    


 
PictureHappy New Year 2016 / Flickr
Awake from his New Year’s nap, Foxiebeau could see his one and only sipping tap water from a paper cup, water she’d measured with the eight-ounce measuring glass kept next to the one-cup Keurig. The methodical nature of her current water consumption, her counting the swallows as she downed each cup looked to Foxie’s untrained eyes like a habit in the making. Moreover, she was marking small straight lines on a discarded envelope. He could only suspect his one and only of embarking on a New Year’s resolution without telling him.

Suddenly competitive, he felt an urge to set some intention for 2016, although only a few times in the past year could he recall falling short of ideal pet behavior. Growling at sounds and reactivity toward other dogs or pant cuffs in a hurry was too far out of his control for correction. A Chihuahua mix, especially a rescue, had to play the genetic cards dealt him. Or so he had overheard.

However, it soon became even more alarming to Foxiebeau to notice that he was now appearing in wwwspiritflowsthru.com in the third animal singular. No longer in the “first animal” pronoun, “I,” he had been replaced by an omniscient narrator! At least he could be cheered that whoever was now in charge rarely referred to him by the generic “dog.” With a sigh, he recalled how his commission to blog had, in fact, begun as an act of rescue. His one and only said she felt mired in her own “non-sense” (her word) and sought a perspective slightly different from her own. That she had been rescued by her much loved dog was just good luck.

But how explain this further distancing? Did his one and only see it as an improvement that Foxie had been demoted from first animal singular to third animal singular? Wouldn’t this change of narrator affect her place in the chain of command? Would being seen from a greater distance rather than directly from a devoted pet’s perspective, which is how it had been until today, make her lose agency? Sure, a more extensive vocabulary would be in play, but Foxie wondered if that was a good thing. And he wondered if his one and only wasn’t pulling an Olive Kittredge on herself. Oh how he wished to reclaim his first animal singular point of view and rescue her once again! But who knew when or if that could happen? After all, he was no Saint Bernard, or was he? 




 
PictureFoxiebeau amidst native habitat
Foxiebeau apologizes. These first two days of 2016, he hasn't been writing; he’s been coming off a New Year’s doggie sedative. He began to doze in the early afternoon of 12-31-2015 after gobbling the little pink pill mixed into Puperoni treats, a pill meant to mute merrymaking, letting him relax into the next year. His one and only sat by his side, questioning her memory. Should it have been half a pill or an entire pill? Then his one and only sat at his side until 12:58 as though her wakefulness could guard him against the intrusive drumming that bumped through the window from across the street. The following day was an additional day of rest for the dog, although he did manage to be dragged out for several stops along familiar curbs.

Further, Foxie apologizes for being incommunicado the week leading up to Christmas. He had been traveling to Los Osos to spend the holiday with his one and only’s son and granddaughter and Shiloh, the resident large dog. And this intergenerational holiday didn’t facilitate sharing experiences. He was too wary of fast-moving pant legs, sometimes on eight-year olds and sometimes cuffs about the ankles of larger males and females coming and going. And always there was a chance to contribute to the cacophony of greeting strangers: Shiloh’s low convincing bark mixed with his own shrill, “me too, me too.” So sans a routine, communicating was hard for le chien.

If Foxie were presently awake, he would say that in Los Osos, mornings were probably his favorite times despite the cold. Alone with his one and only. they drove the dark, deserted streets to warm and holiday-music-filled Starbucks and then made the rounds of close-by building and bushes. Then the two drove to Baywood and walked near the water and in the street. Usually no one at all was awake and the street was empty, so they could walk in the middle of the street until around six when the café opened for coffee and some regulars would arrive. One morning, Foxie hung around until breakfast was served and shared a veggie burrito while he and his one and only stood on the landing and noted how at high tide the usually grounded canoes bobbed near shore.

Almost every day Foxie rode to look at the new house. The rooms were being painted so he could not go inside. But he walked around the back of the house into the fenced yard; perhaps he contemplated life without a leash. In the few years of his life, he could remember only animal control being on the same level as the rest of the world. Once he came to live with his one and only, there had been indoor life and then stairs or elevators to reach outdoor life. Now what? Could he thrive once the cord was cut?

Driving to their new house was an additional adventure. Being new to the neighborhood, neither he nor his one and only knew a direct way to reach what would eventually be their home. Streets paved partway became dirt and bumps. Streets that went through took them many blocks past the actual address. It was all so confusing to a dog in the passenger seat. At the onset of each trip to the house, his one and only would calculate what she learned from a previous trip and correct for a street that dead-ended before their street, only to discover a second street doing the same. Needless to say, they always got there.

In conclusion, Foxie would want you to know that he has made no New Year’s resolutions. Once he fully recovers from the pleasant haze of holiday sedation, he will get back to covering the home front. Meanwhile, he would want you to know that his one and only also resolved nothing, but she did discover an affinity for jigsaw puzzles. At her son's house, if her granddaughter did not finish a puzzle my one and only was helping complete, she found herself drifting back to put the finishing tails on the mermaids. Presently, Foxie can see that his one and only is perplexing her way through a 500-piece puzzle of a New Yorker cover, dog reading a book. And she’s doing it in the kitchen while top dog continues to doze on the couch. Happy New Year.




 
PictureBaywood Park Estuary by Ajay Hunnur
My one and only already anticipates the anxiety I will certainly feel when we move in March from the Bay area to a house in Baywood Park. She has been streaming Best Friend Radio – tunes to calm anxious canines. I think I recognized a mellow instrumental version of Ch-ch-changes, this one by David Bowwow.

When my one and only bought that house in Los Osos/Baywood Park, she did not ask me if I wanted to leave the Bay area. I might have reminded her that in less than a year we have moved twice: once from our condo in San Francisco and again after our big move to Oakland. We stayed a mere few months in Senior Independent Living, across the street from Lake Merritt, and then we came to this tall building a block from the lake but closer to BART, which, by the way, I have never ridden. And probably won’t before we pack up and head to our next location, which is south of here near Morro Bay. We will be living less than a mile from my one and only’s son, her eight-year-old granddaughter, and their dog.

My one and only says from our new house we can go right out the door and down the street to the Elfin Forest. There we will find not just 200 species of plants, but 110 kinds of birds, 22 species of mammals and 13 species of reptiles and amphibians. If coyotes roam the Elfin Forest and they look like dogs, I will probably want to attack them. My one and only says they will want to attack me too. Okay, bring them on.

Or not. Maybe I will change when we’re out of the city. I already peacefully mix with birds at Lake Merritt and mingle when we visit the estuary in Baywood Park near where we will be living. My one and only says we are not next to the water, so we will be walking on a marked trail to the estuary and the two blocks that are downtown Baywood Park. There’s a grocery store, two restaurants, two inns and a coffee shop where you can only sit outside. On Monday afternoon there’s an outdoor market.  Should we crave bustle, San Luis Obispo is 12 miles east of us.
 
My one and only also mapped our early morning outings to the nearest Los Osos Starbucks, saying it could take us 27 minutes if we walk at full speed and don’t stop. Doesn’t sound like a plan to me: I don’t want to walk in the dark or in the rain; I will resist and insist that we drive. In turn, she will insist I use the yard and we will both hope I figure things out for myself. So, two big changes pending: no elevators and less leash time.

As for what she’ll do with me each month when she goes north to meet her Bay area commitments and her friends. She could put me in a kennel or hire a house sitter/dog walker. Maybe she’ll take me with her and I can stay with Cooper, Greg, and Victor who live where we did in San Francisco. I am always happy to stay with them, seeing as I am still familiar with the streets we used to walk when we lived there. This could be a good urban corrective for the rural life I will soon be required to live.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
PictureFoxiebeau enjoys the snuggle blanket.
We can’t let Thanksgiving recede too far or too fast without expressing some special gratitudes. Thanksgiving morning when we headed out into early morning darkness for our coffee, we enjoyed very silent streets. We were grateful for the warm coffee shop open at 5 am and the friendly greetings. Both my one and only and I appreciated that no large dogs loomed from under blankets pushed up against buildings. We are also thankful for the people who invited us to share their homes with them on Thanksgiving Day and wanted to do the meal planning and cooking. For in spite of my one and only’s sizeable investment in an online vegan cooking course, she got only as far as the knife lesson, acing the test in fingertip protection. But that was about all. Later, she learned that although she did not do much or earn a certificate, she would have lifelong access to the material, the videos, etc. of the cooking course. This made her very happy and grateful! I stayed crated on T Day while our friend, Kate, cooked the meal at her house and fed my better half.


Now that the actual eating day of Thanksgiving has morphed into gratitude without meals attached, my one and only continues to be surprised by good will and unconditional friendliness when and where she would not have expected it. Just this morning as we waited a long time in the busy Starbucks, a young man thanked my one and only for giving him and his friend money the day before. In the darkness, we had not seen the faces of the two young men outside Starbucks, but one of them must have recognized me or my one and only’s puffy red jacket because he thanked us. He also complimented me on going with the flow. I guess he mistook my standing still for having a temperament I don’t actually have. My one and only corrected him with the observation that I would be fine as long as the flow didn’t move too fast or change direction. Whatever that means. Metaphors are not my forte. However I could sense that had we been carrying money other than the tip for the baristas, we would gladly have gifted the young man once again.


I will end with an additional gratitude. This for the thick snuggle blanket, we now have on the couch. Because my one and only doesn’t do well with written instructions, we have not turned on the heat. (Sigh)